Depression can seem to catch us unawares. It can come from a feeling. From something happening outside which reminds us of something past. It can happen when suddenly we think even the unimaginable. Then off course if we don’t know what depression is – it is unimaginable. And it is hard to imagine it could ever happen to us. Depression happens to other people. Never to us.
But one day should it ever come to visit us in the dark of night or even on a bright sunny day. What can we do? Notice and accept it is really there. Depression is telling us something. Something you need to do. If it needs to be quick. Then go to behavior – what you do counts. Even if we do not feel like it do exercise. Do watch what you eat. Nutrition and exercise are key. Go out, see people. Other deeper levels require looking at our thoughts then using those thoughts to change behavior, feelings and whatever more really needs to be done to move forward…….
George The Royal Baby
So we now have a new Royal baby. This usually is a situation which brings up such happy feelings for many people. Many wish the best for this baby and their family. For some though this is not a happy event. It is a reminder of feelings of abuse and neglect. It is a trigger. It can bring on depression and anxiety. How does a seemingly innocent little baby bring up those feelings?
Firstly let me go into what abuse is? Something like 1 out of 4 people have been abused. If you are in a room full of people, the statistics are 1 out of 4 have been abused. If you are in a family where there is abuse generally then – many of them have been abused. They will certainly be 2 out of 4 or 4 out of 4. Abuse is not just sexual, it is physical, mental and emotional. Many who are in abusive families and relationships do not recognise the signs and patterns of abuse. To them it is normal, and if normal, it cannot be anything but a normal family relationship. – ergo it is not abusive – but reality is that it is. Those who have not been abused can seem to those who have been abused; like aliens from another planet. Many who have been abused learn to walk and navigate in the world of the 3 out of the 4 unabused people. It is just navigating and is not really living a full and complete life…..
Signs of possibly being abused – are avoidance and not getting on in the world. Not being able to maintain long-term healthy relationships, note I write ‘healthy’. Long-term ill health. Addictions – drink, drugs, co-dependency. Repeating patterns of abuse onto future generations.
This is where the Royal baby trigger is about. It is here when such abuse festers and stays on. Without training an abused mother often repeats the patterns. The mother marries an abusive husband, is possibly directly abusive themselves or is avoidant and neglectful. Some children who have grown up in such households have told me – they never wanted to repeat the pattern only to find themselves having repeat it. It is very hard – not to repeat a pattern. it is inbuilt for us to do so.
I have lived near abusive families. They shout and scream at each other, some hit, some shout words which are emotionally set up to bring about maximum pain. Then when these families go out into the street, they are the height of decorum and good behaviour. I remember when I was growing up, I lived near someone whose father often beat up his wife. You would hear the screams for miles around. (Decades ago it was not illegal to hit your wife -or husband. Now it is so, not that that makes much difference. So many still do not report it). Then his son who I knew and played Cowboys and Indians, Astronauts, climbing tree houses with; grew up and then also hit women too. The pattern thus repeats itself. I have met many women who say they will never have children because they never want to repeat their childhood. Not having a child does not stop the abuse from repeating. Not having a child may be the best thing. What many do not realise is that it is possible to change such behavior but it does take hard work to break a pattern. It starts with awareness. It starts with therapy. It requires more then just crossing your fingers to stop many lifetimes of abuse……..
The Olympics are on now in the UK but research by the Federal University of Pelotax in Brazil found that we are one of the most indolent nations on earth. The University found that society seems to be moving to less activity but greater food consumption. British people have lower levels of activity than the US, France and the Republic of Ireland. Activity is classed as meeting the minimum of 30 minutes of moderate activity (a brisk walk) at least 5 days a week, then 20 minutes of vigorous activity 3 times a week. These two individually or a combination of the two every week is counted as an effective activity level. A whopping rate of 63% in the UK are inactive, 41% in USA are inactive, 71% in Malta are inactive (Malta has the honour of having the most inactive people in the world) and Greece has a much lower inactive rate of 16%. The UK is very near to winning and being one of the most inactive peoples on earth. I almost felt like not writing this blog….. Continue reading
We live in the 21st century. There is more food than we need in the western world. Obesity is on the rise. There are still butter and sugar mountains in the European Union. Food is not the issue it once was. Many more live in homes than are homeless. More are working than are not working. Women do not have to necessarily stay within the strict rules of social behaviour. They can be married, live with someone or live alone. Women are more highly educated than they were at the start of the last century. I remember 30 years ago being told, it was not healthy nor necessary to educate girls.Children now go to school for longer than they used to in the early 20th century. More go to university now than ever did. Yet, depression rates seem to have risen. It makes you wonder doesn’t it? Are we more aware now of depression and what depression is? Or have our expectations grown even more?
It was with sadness I read of the suicide of Bernie Madoff’s son, Mark Madoff over the week-end. I have no idea as to how much he may or may not have been involved in the ponzi scheme which his father ran and which fraudalently stole a reputed 50 billion dollars; from large institutions to small investors. There were many celebrities, reputedly even Kevin Bacon and his wife who lost all the millions they invested bar the house they were living in. A few others who were the victims of his fraud have also reputedly also commited suicide. Money, loss and its after-effects does seem to bring repercussions. Continue reading
Depression is such a biggie. Often when people have it for the first time they have no idea they are going through a depression. It often takes a visit to a doctor to wake someone up to the fact they are going through a depression. First and foremost, clinical or major depression is growing at an incredible rate.
People of all ages, backgrounds, lifestyles, and nationalities suffer from major depression, with a few exceptions.
Up to 20% of people experience symptoms of depression.
10 times more people suffer from major depression now than in 1945.
The average age of first onset of major depression is 25-29
Major depression is the No.1 psychological disorder in the western world. It is growing in all age groups, in virtually every community, and the growth is seen most in the young, especially teens. At the rate of increase, it will be the 2nd most disabling condition in the world by 2020, behind heart disease. Continue reading
A client recently commented on how she felt ‘down’ after watching Avatar. There have been reports that Avatar can cause depressive thoughts. It does not surprise me that people can have a reaction when they view certain movies. People pay money to ‘feel’. Amusement and theme parks, Boat rides, Gambling, Gaming and more. A movie allows us to live in another character, another world for a few hours. A movie brings up emotions, a wide range of emotions which can be accessed through the characters and narrative in the movie. Continue reading