December 31, 2016 · 11:32 am
There seems to be a lot of fake news around. Fake news exists when people use emotional reasoning. Emotional reasoning is a cognitive process by which a person concludes that his/her emotional reaction proves something is true, regardless of the observed evidence. Emotional reasoning can be like fake news – we believe it because we read it or even think it.
An example is – “my partner is losing interest in me because they are spending a longer time then usual reading the newspaper at breakfast” to concluding “He must be having an affair”. It would be important to see if the person having these thoughts about their partner also has them at other times too and in other relationships. Whether the person the thoughts are being directed at, does have a history of affairs. Or whether the news in the paper may actually be particularly interesting today. So many other thoughts are possible. But if the thought is untrue and the actions of the person thinking it are not in line with what is really going on – life can be one big upside down bubble.
If the thought is untrue and the actions of the person thinking are based on the untruth; then it is very possible for the reactions and behaviors of the person thinking them to then be dysfunctional unhealthy responses. The person could break-up even though there is nothing to substantiate the thought. But this ‘fake-news’ confirms that their own paranoia and beliefs must be true. So many other thoughts are possible. Not everyone has affairs. Most do not. Most are too busy to earn a living and make it from day to day. But fake-news and fake thoughts really camouflage what is really going on. I tend to make sure to see the source of the news I read. To look at established papers and then to question what I do read.
Fake news and fake thoughts can camouflage what is really going on. I tend to make sure to see the source of the news I read. To look at established papers and then to question what I do read. In the same way, I also filter and vet my own thoughts too. Life is complicated enough with real thoughts let alone fake thoughts also coming into the equation.
I wish you a Happy New Year with real news and really useful thoughts…….
February 29, 2016 · 11:42 am
I was watching a bartender make drinks at a restaurant last weekend. It was really interesting as to how the cocktail was put together with such accuracy. Everything was measured. The ice was shaken in a cocktail shaker for a set number of times. The drinks were mixed and poured to the exact droplet.
It made me think. Why all this fuss about the glass being half full or half empty? Why not have many glasses? Let us have more than tap-water. How about different kinds of juice? Sparking water from the Himalayas? Why not a long tall and swirly glass? Why not pieces of fruit in the glass? Why not more? We really need to think abundance and not just whether the glass is half full or empty……
November 17, 2015 · 12:11 am
In a world of choice; We have Skype, Wats app, Messenger, Text, Email, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and much much more. I have been wondering if we maybe have too much and too many. Its hard enough keeping up with the world as it is. Why not do one or a few things well and then let go of the many that are hard to keep up with in the time we do have? I often advise clients who are suffering from stress and anxiety to let go of some of their ‘means’ of communication. It is hard to know how and when to meet people as it is. In the end to choose one or a few…but not all. Real friends would not mind adapting to your needs. Real friends would understand your need to cut down different media in order to have real time to communicate. It does work and does reduce anxiety. I knew someone who had over 6000 people following him on instagram. But when it came down to it. He knew hardly anyone who was there and he often felt lonely. Chatting online and filling it with online people we have never met looks like it fills the emptiness… but when you shut down the phone the emptiness returns. As humans we are built to communicate. If we cannot be with a person, then a phone call or skype does help but our eyes, hands, face and body all are built to communicate. It always helps to see and be with people.
September 9, 2015 · 11:26 am
Stress is a common condition to have these days. If we were to think back, back to the 60s, 70s, 80s…when people used to wear those large lapel jackets, wide bell-bottoms, very fluffy hair. Do you remember the roads? In documentaries, movies, don’t they seem nearly empty? Very little seems to be there. The cars seem to move freely and there were no real traffic jams. I was just walking in Ealing today and the traffic was chocca. Then, there were fewer people. Something like 3 billion people in the world. There are now 7+ billion people on this earth. It is inevitable that we will feel more stress from more people and more demands being made upon us. How do we all fit in? But we seem to dont we? Passing your driving test was a simple thing. There was no separate theory and practical test. There were fewer markings on the road. Less to interfere with your driving. Fewer cars and people to navigate around. When I take a stress test and use my biofeedback machine on a client I find there is a considerable lowering in stress levels when people learn to use autogenics, mindfulness, hypnotism or guided imagery. Thinking differently helps. It really does help to reduce stress. Or whenever you feel stressed it may really help to just stop and take a deep breadth in and out. Sometimes the simplest things are a very good way to start.
May 7, 2015 · 9:04 am
Well the polls have closed in the UK. Yes, we have been through another election. Isn’t it amazing how no one can talk about the elections in the news during election time?
This election has brought about greater awareness on the tactical voting that goes on. I know someone in a Liberal area and if they vote Conservative (which is what they want) then they might let a Labour Candidate in. So they will vote Liberal. Then there are other friends in other wards which will also be doing this and let the less disliked candidate in.
I was thinking – if this applies to elections. Does this also apply to other areas of our lives? Do we try to take the lesser of two or three evils? The least despised option? Do we have tactical decisions because we feel we will not get what we want so therefore make a series of Plan B, C, D and more? Not ever taking Plan A seriously? For example, when a couple find their marriage is going down the sink. suddenly one of them (usually the woman) decides a baby is the answer. Well, that is a very poor tactic. Often this ends in the couple breaking up anyway, but now with an additional heart to break. Other plan B’s are getting married with someone you don’t really want to because you feel there is no one else or because there is heavy family pressure to do so. I know of so many people who got married even though they were gay. It was their Plan B and found that marriage may have made their parents happy but off course they were not. It eases the pressure temporarily but Plan B is not a good thing for long-term health and happiness.
December 19, 2014 · 9:57 am
Christmas and Domestic Abuse.
Christmas is often a time for the family to get together, a time of cheer and joy. What happens though if the family is an abusive one? One where domestic abuse occurs. Often such a season is one where there are high levels of stress. Buying a gift in such families is one where there is a lot of resentment. If the gift is not liked and the person is abusive, sarcastic comments may ensue. The sit down dinner can be one of intense stress. A meal that is not ‘perfectly’ done can find itself thrown against the wall. Plates shattered and on the floor. Meal times can be one of pure home and domestic terrorism. In the UK a new domestic abuse law has been announced – that of ‘coercive and controlling behaviour’. You don’t have to suffer physical pain to experience domestic abuse, it can also be psychological.
Christmas dinner can be the worse of all meals. Then there is the added financial stress that adds even more to the domestic terrorism that can go on within a household. People needing to walk around on eggshells for fear of ‘provoking’ an outburst by even the most mildest of comments or ‘looks’. Often those who grow up in domestic abuse also continue to marry and partner with future domestic abusers. The lessons start now. Look at where you are. Who you are with? Where do you want to go? Do you have an escape plan? How is money? Is there someone you can discuss this with? Therapy to stop this constant re-enactment? How do we break free of such abuse?
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September 22, 2013 · 3:12 am
Sunday Morning Post
At the moment I am in Hong Kong and everything I see is a world of incredible organization. Public toilets are cleaned every hour. Staff seem very well trained. A typhoon is expected. In the early afternoon it was a level 3. It is interesting to see the reactions and behaviours of people around me. When asked at the hotel lobby about the typhoon, I was told not to worry and that sometimes people like to go to the harbour and put their arms wide and sing like Michael Jackson. The staff and people I talk to appear very calm about matters, and so, myself am calm too.
The hotel has advisories not to go out and by 8pm I receive a message from the hotel ‘kindly be informed that the Hong Kong Observatory has hoisted a Typhoon Signal No.8’ In order to protect yourself from any personal injury, please do not leave the hotel under these severe weather conditions’. What do I do? I go outside off course at 8.30 pm and walk outside the hotel and life seems to go on as normal.
Outside, the shops were busy with people stocking water and food. I bought a few bananas, water, some snacks, breakfast cereal. It seems banal, irrelevant but at another level something I must do, just in case the hotel is affected. There are far fewer cars. People are still going about their business. Even now, a few different people approach me to sell authentic ‘genuine copies’ of Rolexes, some others asked if I wanted a tailor. It is ironic, I can still buy watches and have a suit made in the midst of a level 8 typhoon warning. The hotel is not far from the harbour. The leaves of the trees are moving a little. It is raining a little too. It seems the quiet before the storm. Sometimes, is life a little like this? There is the madness of the outside world. The reality of what each of us is experiencing and then the reality that does or does not happen? When I return to the entrance of the hotel they seem to want me to wrap my umbrella in plastic so that it does not drain onto the floor of the hotel. It seems odd, worrying about water and the rain messing up the floor when a typhoon is due, but life goes on doesn’t it?
October 31, 2012 · 9:38 pm
Lance Armstrong donations
How life changes. Over the last week we have had a hurricane. A hurricane is not just a simple storm but one that blows over a low pressure area, and the circling winds seem to pick up more and more energy. This energy, the disturbance in the atmosphere, the instability such as a front, a depression, or a wind shear. All these factors, the energy, moisture, upper level winds and a trigger going upwards will blow into a tropical storm that can grow into a hurricane. So many factors come into making a storm into a hurricane.
A seemingly innocuous sounding hurricane named ‘Sandy’ wrecked havoc and destruction in the East Coast of the United States. I have a friend named Sandy and she is a friendliest and most personable person I know; so unlike her namesake hurricane. So much can change in such a short time. So many have died and been injured and destroyed in its wake. It really is awful and it will take ages for some to recover from it. There was a smaller one in the UK in the 80s and even today I meet people who still remember and suffered loss from it.
Another hurricane, a personal hurricane I was thinking of was what had happened recently to Lance Armstrong, a professional road-racing cyclist. He had also started and made a huge contribution to charity after he himself also suffered and recovered from cancer. Just recently he had been stripped of his 7 titles and wins of the Tour de France for being a “serial cheat who led the most sophisticated, professionalized and successful doping programme the sport has ever seen”. So dramatic has his rise and fall been. It must be so painful at many levels for him and those who love him to be so close to what went on. Continue reading →
August 31, 2012 · 9:29 am
Hands up those who remember the ending in the Olympics?
Hands up those who remember the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics? Umm, there seems to be more hands up for the Opening ceremony.
This is often the preferred way in life too. Tickets for the Opening ceremony for both the Olympics and the Paralympics cost more than the Closing Ceremony. More effort was also put into the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics than the Closing Ceremony. The closing ceremony was a series of last minute invites to some pop stars. Some bands had been only asked to do it a few weeks before, but the opening ceremony had months of preparation involved in it.
The Paralympics are on now. The same things will play out too. I often find that clients can have wonderful beginnings but then things seem to taper out for some and for others they do very well. Most though do find endings harder to do and often rather try and avoid it. Some have paid me for the session but not turned up, others seem to cancel and cancel and avoid it. Continue reading →
May 17, 2012 · 12:25 pm
Remember the last time there was a financial crisis? Well there have been many in the last few decades. The Asian crisis in 1998, There was 2007 then 2008. There was Lehman Brothers, Northern rock and the queues around the block to withdraw money from a feared collapse of one bank and then many others. Some thought we were hours from doom. If you were to visit Greece a few years ago you would have felt money was all around you, now it seems to have seeped away.
Often when we are in a crisis, we forget that we have managed to survive at other points in our lives. At present there is the fear of the contagion of the Greek crisis in Europe and the world. The….What if? What if? Questions seem to go on in the newspapers and the financial markets. What if questions are anxiety filled. So much is driven by emotions, even the very markets which are meant to be about logic seems to be foaming at the mouth with fear at the moment. At these times it is best to stay still, stay tight and not make any rash decisions.
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