Category Archives: Patterns

Fake news, Fake thoughts and moving to a Real New Year……

Fake news.jpgThere seems to be a lot of fake news around. Fake news exists when people use emotional reasoning.  Emotional reasoning is a cognitive process by which a person concludes that his/her emotional reaction proves something is true, regardless of the observed evidence. Emotional reasoning can be like fake news – we believe it because we read it or even think it.

An example is – “my partner is losing interest in me because they are spending a longer time then usual reading the newspaper at breakfast” to concluding “He must be having an affair”. It would be important to see if the person having these thoughts about their partner also has them at other times too and in other relationships. Whether the person the thoughts are being directed at, does have a history of affairs. Or whether the news in the paper may actually be particularly interesting today. So many other thoughts are possible. But if the thought is untrue and the actions of the person thinking it are not in line with what is really going on – life can be one big upside down bubble.

If the thought is untrue and the actions of the person thinking are based on the untruth; then it is very possible for the reactions and behaviors of the person thinking them to then be dysfunctional unhealthy responses. The person could break-up even though there is nothing to substantiate the thought. But this ‘fake-news’ confirms that their own paranoia and beliefs must be true. So many other thoughts are possible. Not everyone has affairs. Most do not. Most are too busy to earn a living and make it from day to day. But fake-news and fake thoughts really camouflage what is really going on. I tend to make sure to see the source of the news I read. To look at established papers and then to question what I do read.

Fake news and fake thoughts can camouflage what is really going on. I tend to make sure to see the source of the news I read. To look at established papers and then to question what I do read. In the same way, I also filter and vet my own thoughts too. Life is complicated enough with real thoughts let alone fake thoughts also coming into the equation.

I wish you a Happy New Year with real news and really useful thoughts…….

©2016 Yasmin

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Filed under Anxiety, Patterns, Politics, Uncategorized

Brandgelina, separation, divorce and forming new patterns.

couplesBrad Pitt and Angelina Jolie may be getting a divorce. I am sad about that. The dream couple and family. I think that is sad.

I often talk about warning signs with my clients.

In show-business, it often does not pay to make films together especially if the movie they are in is about a relationship. No matter how far apart a relationship may be from their own, it is inevitable for their own relationship to seep into a film and vice versa. Relationships that lasted a long time in the industry did so when they were not in the same business.

Children: No matter how much money a person has – time is at a premium and children will take time away from the couple. If both have busy careers, it is best to have fewer children.

Their parent’s history: Did their parents have a happy marriage? Did they ever divorce?

What is their relationship with their parents now? How are they with their parents? With others?

What is their history? Did they have a happy childhood? How did they spend their time?

People often bring their own past with them into their intimate relationships. If it was bad, when stressed this will come out and haunt them even more unless they have done some work to look into it.

At the first level, (once we have grown up and left home) we have a relationship with ourselves. At the second level we have a relationship with our significant other. How we are with ourselves, we also are with others.

When in love and or lust, when we meet someone we like, the chemicals overflow and our brains and minds just drown in it. We are unable to think clearly. It is at this time we usually ignore the warning signs. In time reality can set in, and the person we think was right at first, may not be right. Some can tell if a person is right for them on first meeting them. But usually, we need some time to find this out.

In my work with clients, I help them figure out the relationship they have with themselves, then to next work out their relationships with others. From then on, we look to make new patterns. This will take time. It has taken us a life-time to make the patterns that we use now. In a much shorter time, we can change them and set new ones.

We are complicated as individuals and as a couple we become something even more complicated. Before getting into a relationship – start to notice the warning signs. Don’t ignore them……

I am still sad though….and wish warning signs did not exist….

©2016 Yasmin

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Filed under Celebrities, Patterns, Relationship, Relationship Patterns, Thinking Patterns

Making life simple and lowering stress by cutting down on social communication

IMG_7525In a world of choice; We have Skype, Wats app, Messenger, Text, Email, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and much much more. I have been wondering if we maybe have too much and too many. Its hard enough keeping up with the world as it is. Why not do one or a few things well and then let go of the many that are hard to keep up with in the time we do have? I often advise clients who are suffering from stress and anxiety to let go of some of their ‘means’ of communication. It is hard to know how and when to meet people as it is. In the end to choose one or a few…but not all. Real friends would not mind adapting to your needs. Real friends would understand your need to cut down different media in order to have real time to communicate. It does work and does reduce anxiety.  I knew someone who had over 6000 people following him on instagram. But when it came down to it. He knew hardly anyone who was there and he often felt lonely. Chatting online and filling it with online people we have never met looks like it fills the emptiness… but when you shut down the phone the emptiness returns.  As humans we are built to communicate. If we cannot be with a person, then a phone call or skype does help but our eyes, hands, face and body all are built to communicate.  It always helps to see and be with people.

 

©2015 Yaz

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Filed under Anxiety, Depression Patterns, Patterns, Self-regulation, Uncategorized

The Polls, Tactical Voting and Plan B

PollsWell the polls have closed in the UK. Yes, we have been through another election. Isn’t it amazing how no one can talk about the elections in the news during election time?

This election has brought about greater awareness on the tactical voting that goes on. I know someone in a Liberal area and if they vote Conservative (which is what they want) then they might let a Labour Candidate in. So they will vote Liberal. Then there are other friends in other wards which will also be doing this and let the less disliked candidate in.

I was thinking – if this applies to elections. Does this also apply to other areas of our lives? Do we try to take the lesser of two or three evils? The least despised option? Do we have tactical decisions because we feel we will not get what we want so therefore make a series of Plan B, C, D and more? Not ever taking Plan A seriously? For example, when a couple find their marriage is going down the sink. suddenly one of them (usually the woman) decides a baby is the answer. Well, that is a very poor tactic. Often this ends in the couple breaking up anyway, but now with an additional heart to break. Other plan B’s are getting married with someone you don’t really want to because you feel there is no one else or because there is heavy family pressure to do so. I know of so many people who got married even though they were gay. It was their Plan B and found that marriage may have made their parents happy but off course they were not. It eases the pressure temporarily but Plan B is not a good thing for long-term health and happiness.

©2015 Yasmin

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Filed under Anxiety, Depression, News, Patterns

‘Yes’ Vote and ‘No’ Vote; Catastrophisation, Scotland and Independence

Flag of ScotlandEarly Friday morning we will find out whether Scotland gains complete independence or stays within the Union. It is a really exciting time and a sign we live in a democracy for there to be such a vote taking place.  I lived for quite a few years in Scotland. It is a wonderful place and I can completely understand why many in Scotland may want independence. I now live in London and it does feel sad Scotland may split off. I wonder though at the catastrophisation that is going on.

The ‘Yes’ vote and the ‘No’ vote. Will things will be better for Scotland or will Scotland not be able to afford to go on its own? Will the rest of the UK be then pushed into a recession and left with the pieces of a difficult ‘divorce’. I know people who have said if there is a ‘Yes’ vote then they will leave Scotland. Or those who said if there is a ‘No’ vote then they would go into a deep depression.

Not everyone will get the outcome they want but in the end, as in any upset most tend to adapt and then change. Some though will leave. Some will drown their upset in drink. It is a choice we have. This is the same in many other areas of our lives. Do we stay or do we leave? What will benefit our lives the most? This is a once in a life-time decision.

If only we did this more often in our own lives; to vote daily on the important choices and decisions we have within our own lives. To know we never need to say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ all the time. We can change our minds and we never have to follow the herd.

Meanwhile I wait to see. Will I need to bring my passport with me when I next go north? Will there be border controls? What will life be like after the vote? Will we all really be poorer or is this really political catatrophisation at work?

©2014 Yasmin

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Filed under Catastrophising, Patterns

Wu chi, emptiness and life repeating itself.

We are pattern-making creatures. We love patterns and repeating ourselves. The only problem arises when the pattern being repeated keeps us stuck and not moving forward.

Wu chi and patterns

Wu chi and patterns

In my last blog I wrote about Wu chi. This is the Chinese metaphysical place of emptiness. A place where everything is the same and nothing changes. In the movie  “Ground Hog day” the anti-hero there discovers the day keeps repeating itself again and again; until he eventually changes himself and not the environment. When he does eventually change himself; after trying every possible superficial permutation – only then does the day change, does his environment and his life change.

If we are in fear – we will keep meeting the place and people who keep us in fear. If we are anxious – we will keep doing the work and seeing the events which keep us locked into anxiety. If we are sad – we will keep thinking and being in the way which keep us in depression. Fear, anxiety, depression, stress are kept more tightly in place when we live in that wu chi.

©2014 Yasmin

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Filed under Patterns, Thinking Patterns

New Year and Stress Free Resolutions

Fireworks

Fireworks

New Years day itself, the 1st of January, begins tomorrow for some of us. For others, in different parts of the world, it has already started. It is a day and a date. The New Year of the Gregorian calendar is very similar to the Roman calendar. In 1751, England and Wales had changed the New Year from the 25th March to the 1st January. Can you imagine if it were still celebrated on the 25th of March? Would it make a difference? Would we be having Easter eggs and New Years day within the same time frame?

Meanwhile, I shall celebrate the New Years Eve this evening as New Years day has not changed again and is still set for the 1st of January.

Research on New Years resolutions show that New Year Resolutions often fail.  Why is that? Continue reading

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Filed under Patterns, Positive, Psychology